*new rough draft* Learning To Live Again

In my short eighteen years of life I have had some undesirable experiences that affected me in every way.  Although some choices that I made were wrong, they ultimately led me to a new perspective on life and molded me into the person that I am today. I have decided to share how I turned my life into something beautiful after suffering through a struggle with drug addiction. What may seems like a fun time can easily change into a struggle to stay alive in a matter of months or years, and I am proud to say that I have found a new drug-free way of life in recovery.

Many kids do some experimenting with recreational drug use, so of coarse at the time I didn’t see any problem with being one of them, especially since there was not much else to do in the small mountain community where I grew up.  On top of boredom, I wanted to find a sense of belonging amongst my piers and the “stoner” crowd was very welcoming.  As I spent more time with this new group of friends I became comfortable, and I was happy to have a group that I belonged to. 

Everything in my life seemed to be going well; I had new friends, I found something that I liked to do and I was still able to keep up on my schoolwork.  I will never forget that invincible feeling that I believe every teenager will experience at some point.   No one and nothing could bring me down from my intoxicated pedestal.  What I didn’t realize was that the easy-going feelings were not satisfying me for much longer and I was beginning to want more.  After some searching I found yet another set of “friends”, but these friends were on a completely different level of what I thought was “fun”.  They had more money, drugs, and parties then anyone I had met before.  As I began spending more time with this group I also moved on to other substances.  Needless to say, I was headed down a bad path and no one could have stopped me. 

As time was going on I was losing who I was and turning into someone I never thought I would be.  My mind was in such a fog that I didn’t care about the damage that I was causing in my relationships with family and loved ones, or the damage to my body and soul.  I spent all my time with deceitful people in dark places doing bad things and it eventually caught up with me.

Five years had flown by in what seemed like just a few weeks and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  After getting into some legal trouble, losing friends, ruining relationships with my family, dropping out of school, degrading my body and more I had finally had enough.  My situation was no longer a joke and the fun was long gone.  I knew that if I didn’t change, the consequences would be fatal, so I made the best decision in my life and went to a treatment center for help.

I put everything I had into finding a new way of life that I could be proud of.  I spent weeks reading literature about addiction and learned tools to cope with emotions that don’t involve using mood or mind-altering chemicals.  I shared my story with other girls like me and they shared theirs as well.  I kept a journal that I was required to write in every night about what I learned and how I felt.   I had new feelings that I had never experienced before, feelings far beyond what any drug could bring.  I found true happiness and a desire to thrive, and I could not wait to see what else my new life would bring.  As I continued in my recovery I met new people who were just like me.  I found another place where I felt I belonged and it was actually healthy for me this time. 

I finally found the beauty in my life that had been hidden for so long under artificial contentment.   I was learning to exist is society again, and not only was I existing; I was living a happy, healthy life.   Once I became more acclimated to life outside of the treatment center I started setting goals.  My first goals were to get back into school, graduate high school with a diploma, get my drivers license and get a job.  Within six months of recovery I had accomplished every one of these goals and then some with no problems.  I now know that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to and drugs never have to hold me back again. 

For over a year now I have been working every day to improve myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Although I have had to face some challenges, I always find myself back where I need to be.   The most amazing thing that I have found in recovery is that no matter what problems come my way I never have to use drugs or alcohol to cope with them.  I can live life on life’s terms and make it through anything with a smile on my face.

When I decided to clean my life up I never imagined all the blessings that would come along with it.  I have become a productive member of society with a job, a car, a happy healthy and functional relationship with my friends and family and one day a college degree.  I truly believe that sometimes people have to experience losing everything to find themselves and although I am not proud of my past, I am proud of my present and I will never forget where I came from.